Gordon MacRae Blog

Jim Carroll is dedicated to high-quality conversation. To avoid socially awkward situations – making small talk at a party, meeting someone impressive – he developed the idea of a “conversational gambit”. That is, a short remark, story or question that would start a discussion, defuse the awkward, grease the social wheels.

For example, these are all conversational gambits:

‘If you were restricted to five fruits, what would they be?’
‘What’s your favourite bus route?’
‘Which body part would you change if you could?’
‘When were you happiest?’

They are opening moves.

I was reminded of this reading Craig Mod’s latest Ridgeline about a walk through the Cotswolds.

As usual, we had a crew of ten. Discussion topics included:

• Have you ever experienced something that cannot be explained by rational means?
• How have you managed big shifts in career?
• What does your job (any job) look like in ten years?
• How do you waste time? (Or “play,” if that makes more sense.)
• What did you learn later in life that your parents didn’t teach you?
• What are some of your “heresies?”

The heresies one is always interesting. Basically: What do you believe that everyone else at the table might not believe? They can be wacky / a bit intense. The point is to curry discussion. Like: “Votes in an election should have a value proportional to the average time left in your life. (Older people’s votes count less because they have less life for the voting to impact.)” Or: “Parents should be held legally responsible for their children until the age of twenty-five (and should serve the same sentence if they do something illegal).”² Or: “I 100% believe UFOs exist and visit us frequently” Or: “Telepathy / remote viewing needs more funding for rigorous testing (than even the CIA did in the ’70s (PDF)).”

Heresies!

I can never remember these questions when I am in a socially awkward situation. So I just refer to asking what people do for work. Or where they live. And then it just sounds like I’m casing them as part of a surveillance initiative.

‘I think I only appear smart by staying quiet as often as possible.’
Sally Rooney, ‘Conversations with Friends’